Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Victim of the Bubble Burst

When I started my blog, I did so with no real concept of direction.  Many years have passed since I openly wrote about my life and happenings.  Even so, I still am uncertain whether or not I should blog about myself or just the perspectives I carry regarding life and society.  While it may seem easy for others to openly share life events, I am hesitant.  One never really knows how far news will travel until it is too late to stop its journey.  For all intensive purposes I am no different than most Americans – trapped within the confines and pains of the soul.

My vision of the world has been tainted.  My vision of life is estranged from truth.  Life as I know it is far from accurate.  The looking glass is far too persuasive in its reflective images of time.  I use to see the world with open envy, ready to partake and explore.  Now I am merely a participant of convenience.  Since loosing all my belongings I have learned to withdraw from the world and live within a private compartment, some times ashamed I had allowed my circumstances to tear me down.  Other times I sit behind the walls of confinement believing that life is perfect; believing my circumstances were not of my making, but, a casualty of a bubble burst.

Despite the gloom and doom of my torment I see life move forward without my participation.  I once believed I could do anything, unafraid of the what if’s.  Those days seem nearly nonexistent; a dream dreamt by our college bound youth.  I would like to be that person again – hopeful, idealistic, and ready to explore and experience all that has yet to be.  Sadly, I can only muster small doses of desire for I lack motivation and determination – the true victims of the bubble burst. 

I should be ecstatic.  I should be feeling something.  Unfortunately I represent a slip disc.  Maybe I need to share these emotions and thoughts.  Maybe I don’t need to.  I am unsure.  What I do believe is that I am not alone, but, only a person who wears my soul can understand why I feel so lost.  Everything I once was is now dormant or dead.  Now I must learn to be me again.  I must relearn how to live.  This is the time to rediscover a new identity, release the attachment to the old, undeserving ideal of me.  We will see where that leads….

For now I am going to get the laundry done and feed the dogs.  My how my life has changed…  

*** Today is the beginning, but, is tomorrow the end?
- A. Rod

Monday, July 25, 2011

Little Blackbird

I want to soar
I want to sing
Today, I'm just
a little black
bird //
caged within her
ring -
From within I
do soar and sing //
From within I
am always FREE //
I am all that
is, all that was,
and forever
will be.  I am
the little black
bird //
which spreads her


When the world begins
To collapse, do not
Run, do not fear, do
Not believe what you
See; take cover beneath
The blanket of darkness,
Allow it to envelop you,
And know it is not the
End. Life continues
Without regard for
Your deepest wishes.
So, sleep and rest in
Peace my friend ‘cause
The time is near. Out
Of the dark a light
Burns dim, pull up
Your shroud and take
That first step. Grab
What is not visible,
Trust there is something
There - it’s time to be


Recently I took a photo of a person who seems to be homeless in the center of downtown - which downtown you ask?  I say, "does it matter"?  My photo basically resembles many downtown areas, as homelessness is not specific to one locale or to one group.  Next time you are out and about, remember, it could be you or someone you love.   So be kind.  Homelessness is not always a choice, some times merely a matter of circumstance.   

My need to call attention to homelessness comes from within my own trials and tribulations.  I have lived on the streets by choice during my youth, out of stubborn rebellion.  Eventually I matured and grew into adulthood, began a family and moved to suburbia to raise my family.  We did well.  Then the economy imploded - we were just one of many victims!  Suddenly we were faced with the possibility of homelessness.

We could have been another statistic.  Crap happens and we need to remember that.  Although my photo is not me or you, it very well could be.  Maybe you avoid the homeless because you are uncomfortable, don't know what to do or say.  And all I can say to that is, 'just be human'.  Say good day.  Share a conversation about the weather, whatever.  Despite how trivial the conversation may seem to you, to a homeless person, it could be the highlight of his/her day.  

Life paths are relative to the individual. One's path should not be judged without wearing the "soul" of another. - A. Rodriguez